I had been in my job for six years. It was a high pressure time wise job where I had learnt really all I could, and I knew it was time for a change.
I just wasn’t sure exactly how that was going to happen.
As is my practise I went internal and listened for answers. As this was a larger life issue I felt a fast was in order as sometimes fasting can pinpoint the connection, narrow it down and sharpen it.
I fasted for four days with just hot and cold water. (I find in fasts you need to be in a calm environment. I know some people can go to work and about their daily lives fasting but I find that the habitual part of eating in ‘normal life’ is too strong. For me, really going inward, quiet and not having too much going on in my outside life is the most natural way of fasting)
For the four days I set up two sessions of 1 hour prayer, morning and night.
On the afternoon of the fourth day, I felt like writing and got these ‘messages’:
Great I thought! I felt calm and sure at that point. But I am wisened now, and knew that following these calm instructions through in the outer world can be tumultuous, and not as easy as it sounds.
I went back to work and waited. Nothing happened. I started to worry, thinking about leaving and having no money etc. Two months later I felt like I was having a mini life crisis. My boss and colleagues noticed I wasn’t my usual cheery self. My boss asked if I wanted to ‘talk’. Was everything I felt not true? Where was God and the calm surety I had felt?
Then the phone rang. A job offer internally in the same company. It was in the area I wanted it but it was only a short term contract and I would have to do it over and above my busy full time role. I took some time to think about it. I walked by the beach. My internal knowing was a NO.
But then the Guilt came in like this: ‘It’s nice they asked, it’s in my line of work, it’s only for a short time and could lead to something else, Isn’t this what God was meaning? Take it you silly woman!’ I was confused. I find through experience that even though you have had the calm knowing from deeper wisdom, the swirling mental chatter is still there.
I followed my deeper intuition and did turn it down but not without some trepidation. Shit.
That was a Monday morning. Monday afternoon the phone rang again. Another internal position. This time part time, closer to where I lived. Still only a short term contract but this one worked. I didn’t need much time. I said YES.
It worked! I am now enjoying a position closer to home and that supports my life more.
I think that the Biblical stories when you read ‘And God said’ are similar to these experiences. These calls from deep within yourself that you know are true from a wisdom that comes through you, but not from you. And they are without visible proof; you must carry on with Faith. All through history people have had this connection. This way of life is not necessarily easier, happier or more exciting, but it is Lasting, Sustainable and True.
We all have this connection and it can only enhance life when we choose to make contact with that part of ourselves which is waiting right there for us. Always.
Open. Trust. Believe.