Most of us have known grief at some stage in our lives. It is a painful place that is hard to be in ourselves, and hard to see in others. We want to make the pain go away; we want it not to be there. (In my case sometimes I feel as if I am the only one there while others get on with their lives)
But oftentimes grief can be our friend, and our wisest teacher. It can be a process of stripping us bare, of recognising what is true deep down, of showing us how to let go of what is no longer needed and ultimately reshape us by allowing us to ‘grow out of the old and into the new’.
We need to honour these times when they come and create the space to feel our grief fully, as we would any other emotion. These are sacred times. We would not try and curtail or feel guilty about laughter but laughter and tears are two ends of a scale, and to be grounded and balanced in life is to feel both fully.
In my story, as a 39 year old single woman, I could have married in my twenties but chose not to, as I always thought I would have another chance. My grief has arisen as I thought this would have happened by now and I am now processing that it may never happen.
This grief was experienced in the holidays, the worst of it was a week alone, and was tremendously hard. Everyone has their own experience here. Then in the midst of all the tears, right at the bottom, I had a moment of clarity and recognition with the words and feeling ‘This is what I want’.
Interestingly ‘this’ wasn’t the mere fact of having a partner or even loads of friends; I wanted really to be myself as I was in that moment, to feel all the emotions, to be true to myself. This authenticity was more important to me than it was just to be in relationship for the sake of it, or because I should, or because that is what everyone else has or that is what society and the media project as fulfilment.
Spiritually the biblical quote is ‘Thou shall have no other Gods before Me’ This ‘Me’ is our true spiritual self, what we know of as our Own Truth. When we tune into this connection All is Well and balanced for that moment. We recognise our true source, power and stability and we can grow and live a life from this primary connection. From this place we understand all else is reflected and secondary: relationships, jobs, health, wisdom and well-being.
In my case I understood that just a relationship was not going to give me what I truly wanted, and I was grateful (grudgingly) to the grief for stripping me back and showing me what the truth and reality of the situation really was.
Human beings have been, and always will be, spiritual in nature and we hold recognition of these ancient truths deep inside. Grief can help us find our way back, our way home, to internal understanding, to purpose, to our own personal communion with God, and as a consequence (whether in relationship or not) True Eternal Love.